Q : Quotidian Tasks / Trends #AtoZChallenge2020

In week two of the lockdown, I started seeing a lot of pictures, like the one below, on my Instagram and Facebook feeds. This is called Dalgona Coffee. No! No! It is called #Dalgonacoffee. Hashtags are important these days. They describe things that catch our fancy on the given day.

Initially I read it as Dal do na coffee (pour me some coffee). May be I was too caffeine starved, due to work related Zoom calls the whole day and I needed some. Anyway, I had some tea and then noticed that it was indeed Dalgona Coffee.  My curiosity got piqued. How come this popular coffee is not available at Starbucks? But the answer was right there in the name of the coffee. Dalgona is so easy to pronounce. Unlike Frappuccino! After all Starbucks is not just about coffee, but also about a certain experience - mispronouncing the names of its customers and having tongue-twisters on their menu. But my thoughts kept wandering. I had to understand what was so special about this coffee. Then I found out it was a normal coffee, which my mother used to whip up, when I was a child. But now it had a fancy name. So thus my friends, I discovered how an everyday beverage, a quotidian task became a trend. 

As the drabness of our real lives caused by this lockdown, made our social media feeds less attractive, we had to find ways, to keep our virtual avatars active. We no longer had the luxury of posting pictures from our holidays, weekend restaurant visits etc. So every damn daily errand, every ordinary activity of our lives and every quotidian task we perform had now a potential to become a trend if packaged well. Here are some of the #lockdowntrends that made my eyes pop out, not because of the trendiness of the trends, but because of sheer gumption of these tasks to masquerade as trends. 

#Dalgonacoffee - I have already expressed above, how skeptical I was about this one.

#Safehandschallenge - While I understand the importance of washing hands, but if this task was not part of your daily lives earlier, I am not amused. Also when celebrities post videos of such challenges, they shoot it in their luxurious and classy rest rooms. When you do it, we can see that stinky throne behind you. 

#OnlineAntakshari - Give me a break! We are not on a bus ride going for a picnic! And why are you so dressed up when you are at home while singing this song?

#ChallengeAccepted - It started off well with theme of women empowerment. But then it turned into a #sareechallenge. How was it even a lockdown challenge? Wasn't this saree trend, trending few months back and a month before that too?

So what are the trends last few weeks that caught your fancy? Share with me in comments space, while I fix for my self a #dalgonapeg with my Black Label.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is Lock-down Blues. I intend to write and talk about how I deal with it, what it inspires me to read or watch or any aspect of it which fascinates me. You can read the theme reveal post here. 

Previous Challenges : Letter Q

2017: Queue Story

2018: Questions that are silly

2019: Queer Props and Sets in Hindi Films / Bollywood

Q : Queer Props and Sets in Hindi Films / Bollywood #AtoZChallenge 2019

Once upon a time in Hindi Films, the highest gaudiest forms of creative expression were the props used and sets erected for shooting the songs. Sometimes they made sense too. But mostly the brief was simple - the props should be bigger, brighter, garish and preferably queer. 

In a 1984 film Tohfa (Gift), hero gifts the heroine a sari. A song follows. The entire song is shot with hundreds of saris as props, used in different ways. There is a mannequin too which shows up randomly. And let me assure you, this song is least weird in terms of prop usage you will see in this post. Of course the dance steps here are crazy too.

Have you ever had a Batata Vada (Maharashtrian Potato Fritters)? Well it is really yummy snack. Now imagine a song based on it. A song which ideally should not have existed in the 1987 film Hifazat (security). This song features Madhuri Dixit in her worst dance performance ever. But there is a reason for it. Both the leads are under the effects of drug laden batata vadas and are imagining this song. Both of them imagining the same song at the same time? Inception anyone? I am digressing though! So the highlight prop in this one is potatoes. And wait for the giant potato to make an appearance. 

I have seen songs where thousands of oranges are rolled down a hill as the lead actors dance. I have seen songs where a large telephone or a large tabla / drums are used as sets and stages for dramatic (comic?) effect.  But this song from the 1983 film Himmatwala (Courageous) tops it all. The colors in this song almost blind you. The stupid dance steps by Jeetendra (Jumping Jack is his moniker in Bollywood) can even put you off! If not for Sridevi's beauty and oopmph quotient, watching this song would be a total waste. But don't miss the pots and cartwheels used as props here! Is there a metaphorical significance which I didn't understand?

May be the answer lies in the following song (Taki Taki) from the same film. This one has no props.  They spent entire money on pots and cartwheels in the song above. But with similar dance steps without any queer props, this one pales in comparison. Don't watch the following song.

As we entered into 2000's the fascination with such gaudy and big props peaked in this song from the 2001 film Nayak (Hero). There are standard pots, but then there are large corn cobs too. And giant sunflowers. And scarecrows. I remember liking this film a lot because it had a meaty plot based on politics. But I also remember hating the songs in it. This film didn't need any. 

We still get to see lot of set-piece songs in Hindi films, but the props have got subtler over the years and it is a good thing and I think the following one from 3 Idiots is for the keeps. 

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is Hindi Film Industry / Bollywood cliches. You can read the theme reveal post here.

2017 Challenge Post from Letter Q: Queue Story - A post about my Queue experiences. Click here to read.

2018 Challenge Post from Letter Q: Questions that are silly - A post about avoiding certain questions, in life altering situations. Click here to read.

Q : Questions that are silly #AtoZchallenge

Let us start with few questions which people ask just to make small talk and how should we really answer them:

Qusetion: Where are you travelling to? (In a flight from Mumbai to Chandigarh)

Answer you give: Chandigarh

Answer you should really give: I am travelling to nowhere. I was forced by a suspicious looking man to board the plane and follow you. 

The guy who questioned would squirm in his seat.

Question: What are you doing here? (In a cinema hall when you come across an acquaintance)

Answer you give: I have come to watch the film.

Answer you should really give: I am here to protest the ideology of the film. I will barge into the projection room and set the film on fire.

The acquaintance would report you to the authorities.

Question: Where are you? (When someone calls you on your office landline number)

Answer you give: I am in my office

Answer you should really give: I am everywhere. I have invented a chip and planted it in your phone. Whatever number you dial today, you will connect with me.

That caller would request you to plant the same chip in his girl friend's phone.

Of course, just like the questions asked, the answers I proposed are silly. It is fine, if people ask such silly questions to make small talk. But what happens when silly questions are asked in situations that are life altering.

Silly Questions asked during Job Interviews

The idea of a job interview is to understand the candidate and his/her credentials. It is to assess his / her potential for the job. I am not sure how following questions help in that. 

• Are you an honest person? 
• No, I am not today. Today I am a blue person. (Actual Answer: Yes, I have always depicted qualities that make me a dependable and trust worthy resource)

• What would your current boss say about you?
• That you deserve a better organisation. (Actual Answer : She would say that I am a committed and hard working person and bring value to the table)

• Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
• Definitely not in this place. (Actual Answer : I see myself in a role that challenges me and that serves your esteemed organisation in a relevant manner)

There are many such questions which interviewers ask. Most job seekers are prepared for such questions. They are not necessarily lying. But I believe that even if a person answers these questions well, it tells us nothing about the candidate, his / her fitment and relevance.

Silly Questions asked during Arranged Marriage Meetings

Arranged marriages are very common in India. After parents on both sides (boy and girl) meet each other and they see potential in an alliance, there is a customary meeting between the boy and the girl. This is the window in which both of them have to decide whether to really take the plunge. I am sure, some really smart questions need to be asked in this meeting to take a decision. But let us see what gets asked, in the first meeting itself.

• Girl to the boy: What is your height?
• Run away. She has a poor eye sight (Not sure how exact length of his torso is going to impact the decision)

• Boy to the girl: Can you cook and do the laundry?
• Ask him to download UrbanClap app or introduce him to your coy maid Sarita (Yes, food is the way to a man's heart, but why would that be an important question to understand whether your life partner is really right for you.)

• Boy to the girl: Would you work after marriage? (expecting a No)
• Definitely no. I did my MBA for a lark. I want you to work till your death and would you give me a credit card please? (Why would a boy meet a girl whose qualifications are higher than his and still expect her not to be serious about her career)

• Girl to the boy: Oh!You stay in Mumbai. Would you take me to the disco every weekend?
• Yeah. I stay in Mumbai. I will take you on the Mumbai Local every weekday as well. ("Sure", I said when I was faced with this particular query and never ever met her again)

The idea of the first meeting between a boy and girl should be to understand each other as a person. Whether you will be compatible or not? Do you really have a similar world-view? I don't think silly questions like the ones above take you anywhere near to that goal.

Silly Questions asked when you are drunk?

• Are you drunk? Hic Hic
• How many drinks you had? Hic Hic
• Why do you drink so much? Hic Hic
• Would you like to have one more? Definitely. Cheers.

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My last year's challenge post from letter Q was about few anecdotes that happened in Queues. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

Q : Queue Story

The queues in India are never ending. And they are also melting pot of cultures and opinions. 

And then there is a queue for everything. To eat, there is a queue at restaurants. To shit and pee there is a queue at public toilets. You have to queue up to get into a bus or even get out of it. There is a queue at departmental stores on Republic Day Sale. As if all Indians only buy when there is a good bargain. I hope you get the drift. In India, for any damn thing, you have to queue up.

Then demonetization created new kind of queues, few months back. Political queues. Many politicians queued up to sympathize with people who queued up outside ATMs. Politicians for the first time in queuing history of India, realized that queues can kill. People didn't die of heat when they queued up to see Shahrukh Khan on his birthday outside his house. They didn't feel any pain when they queued up outside two wheeler dealerships on 31st March to get hold of phased-out polluting BS III bikes. But you are supposed to hate ATM queues. Right?

There are also people who queue up without any reason. The plane has just landed. Everyone will get to get off. They will have to wait for their bags to arrive on the belt anyways. But they can't wait, even if the plane doors are still closed. They just queue up in the aisles. Every landing in India, looks like an emergency one.  The same thing happens during boarding, as if plane will leave without them. Is it the insecurity of being left behind?

Another thing about Indian queues which is highly deplorable is the distance between two people in the queue. People don't have any sense of space. Bloody hell, they will just ass-grind you, if it was legal in India. You can smell that onion, the guy behind you had for lunch. You can feel the sweat on his arms when he tries to push the queue. Burps and farts in heat are worse than sulfuric acid. Manners? Zilch. 

Also most of the queues in India are segregated based on gender. Do they realize unisex queues would have been so much more interesting? Girls always make better conversations. They don't sweat as much and I think they don't burp or fart too. They run away from onions. I know I am exaggerating, but you get my point. Right?

I have had my share of queue experiences as well. Some scary. Some hilarious. Some helpful. Some kind of sad. But largely in India. And there was this one in London too. The racist one. I reproduce some of  my queue experiences below.

The Heathrow Queue: December 2011. I landed at the London Heathrow Airport. I got out to catch a bus. I queued up at the ticket window. By Indian standards it was not a queue. There was a cute couple ahead of me. And there were these three guys - those hippie types - behind me. But then it wasn't my day. I wear a turban and I am not a Muslim. These guys breached the space between me and them. (I mean in India people can even straddle against each other in a queue, but here this act of theirs reeked of hatred). They started abusing me. I faced racist jibes within an hour of landing. I decided to take the underground instead and left from there.

The Friendly Queue: Sometime in 2005. I was in Delhi for a B-School admission process. And we were in a queue for entry into a GD room. I met YA for the first time there. She was right behind me. She is one of the most beautiful (read hottest) girls I know. We got talking. She came to know that I have already secured admission for MBA in 5 other B-Schools. While drinking water from a bottle, she was trying to convince me to not participate in this process and mar other people's chances. She was doing it in a cute way. And this all happened within like 5 minutes of us meeting for the first time. When I joined the B-School of my choice, I discovered she was in my class. Over next two years, we became best buddies. And we are even today. This is one of my best queue memories.

Beat' em Up: Sometime in 1995. I was in a queue to get a movie ticket for Trimurti (A Hindi film that tanked big time). Remember there were no multiplexes and bookmyshow like apps then. The line was not moving ahead. I decided to get out of the queue. I approached few ladies in the other queue. While they were being sweet to me and helping me to get a ticket from their queue, the burly security guard, came with a large danda (wooden stick) and hit me. I never understood why. I didn't break the queue technically. Did I talk to his daughter by mistake? But I watched that film. Women are sweet that way!!!

200 Rs. Off: I love talking to people. Two weeks ago, I went grocery shopping. There was a huge and slow moving queue at the billing counter. There were three ladies in front of me and as I started getting bored, I started chatting with them. General stuff. After about 20 minutes, we were still at the same spot. They were being nice to me and told that since I had a smaller basket, I can get my billing done before them. I denied. I know for a fact that no one likes to wait in queues. I thanked them anyways. Few minutes passed, and then they told me that there is an offer, where you can show an SMS code and get Rs 200 off on the bill. I told them that I deleted that message in the morning, not knowing I will be shopping today. One of them said that she had an extra phone and insisted that I use the extra code. They got me a Rs 200 discount. Yippee. It is not the amount which matters. Their gesture did. People are nice in general. But queues in India bring the worst out in us. Still, if you have a knack for talking and decent sense of humor, it can be an enriching experience too at times.

It is time to close this post, as lot of other things are queued up for the day, which I need to complete. See you tomorrow with an R post.