Friday, June 10, 2005

GOD PAYS UP

GOD was worried! Since last few years the percentage of Indians coming to heaven was dwindling! GOD wanted to visit India and look for himself that what was going wrong. But he couldn’t leave heaven until someone takes the onus of handling all the heavenly affairs when he is away. He needed a responsible person for that. So an examination was set to select the right candidate. An IAS officer who had died at a young age- HE WAS IN HELL- topped the exam and he was made the caretaker of the HEAVEN. (Now we all know that GOD did commit a mistake because most of the IAS officers who are good at examinations falter at the time of execution of plans) GOD decided to live in India for one month like a normal person without using any of his POWERS!!! But he definitely took loads of money with him which he had got as offerings for his expenses on EARTH.

GOD lands up in PUNJAB first. He is in navy blue denims and a white shirt with his sandals on. He saw the posters of JO BOLE SO NIHAL everywhere. He thought of starting his trip with a religious movie. But all the shows were ‘House Full’. (Thank GOD-GODDESS in this case- that SGPC hadn’t banned the movie yet and neither it was New Delhi where bomb blasts were to occur at the same time, otherwise GOD may have died-at least the body he acquired) GOD couldn’t get the ticket. All of a sudden a guy came up to him and told him that if he wanted a ticket he could get it but he would have to pay Rs. 100 for the Rs 50 ticket. GOD had his apprehensions but for a religious movie GOD PAID UP. GOD was as disappointed by the movie as everyone else. It was CRAP. But his disappointment was more because he had to pay up for that…
After the movie fiasco, GOD realized that if had to stay for a month and travel across India he needed a car. So he went to a car showroom, bought a Sedan in full cash. But he couldn’t move out of Punjab without necessary documents and registration. So he went to the RTO to get his car registered. He was told there that it would take a month to get the papers. But if he offered some bribe to the involved officers, the work would be done in a jiffy. GOD had his apprehensions but for the time constraints, GOD PAID UP. After two days GOD got his documents ready. He had only 28 days left now…

GOD reached Gujarat. We all know it is a DRY state, but GOD didn’t! But what we don’t know is that even GOD likes to drink when he is traveling. In his hotel room he asked the waiter for a drink. That waiter told him that Gujarat is a dry state and he couldn’t get his alcohol here, but he offered him a JUGAAD (QUICK FIX MORONS) for some measly amount. GOD had his apprehensions but for his addiction GOD PAID UP and got his quota of SOMRAS…
Few days later GOD was in Mumbai. He saw that everyone was running each faster than other. At nights people were drinking and dancing at best of the places in town. For a moment GOD was tempted to think that everything was fine here when he saw an old man crying in a dark corner of a park. GOD went up to him and asked him his problem. The man told GOD that his son had died in ’93 bomb blasts and he hadn’t got his compensation yet. GOD offered to help and took him to the Collector’s office. He talked to a BABU there. The babu explained GOD that the compensation had been sanctioned 8 years back but the man didn’t pay the money to the forwarding clerk for his CHAI-PANI (sweets buddies). GOD had his apprehensions but for the pain of that old man GOD PAID UP. The old man got his (un) due compensation. GOD had tears in his eyes and the answer to his worries “what’s going wrong in India?” He decided to cut short his trip and go back to heaven and further make plans to improve the situation…
At the gates of the heaven, the same IAS officer was waiting. He denied entry to the GOD and told him that only if he would be allowed to stay in heaven from then on, he would let THE GOD enter. GOD had his apprehensions but for the good of the entire UNIVERSE, GOD PAID UP. Now only GOD knows what is happening in heaven…


11 comments:

jags said...

sarcasm written all over... a great effort...!

sunny said...

By GOD.u r back into ur form,,,great work buddy...hope we get a sequel to this one...i guess something is really happening in heaven...

Anonymous said...

CD i know u have liked sedans since ages...but i think GOD shud have bought an SUV...anyways its really a well written article

Tractor man said...

a simple tell well told...by putting GOD in place of man u have heightened the seriousness of the sitution and what else....a good tale...FICTION?

commentator No.1 said...

CD Bhai...don't raise ur social concious level to such a height..apun tapori logon ka kya banega? apun to bas itna kahega...
Keep UP the Goooooooooooooooooooooooood Work

Anonymous said...

if i have to rate ur blogs
rank 1 to 10 - UP UP and Away
11-Better english than never
12-METRO
then 101-GOD PAYS UP
AND LET GO LET GOD....i dont think u can write worse than that...thats the only good thing abt it!!!!

GJ said...

By God!!!
U made God pay up for lots of things...seems hellish!!!
nice thoughts...hey its a month since u reached mumbai....write something man!!!

<> said...

great stuff man.would never forget the IAS officer.looking forward to next howler.

Anonymous said...

POL KHOL part-2
Bhai tune to sab khol diya.....

BIG B said...

To hell with u and ur GOD....dont u fear GOD....how can u just relate the almighty to ALCOHOL...bull shit!!!!

Anshul Punetha said...

Hey...we have the right person to take over the venerable KS' mantle - KS bole to Khushwant Singh ! Now if only CD you could write better surd jokes than him,that would be the icing on the cake !!

PS - You could name ur blog as CD unplugged ! Blogging Dil Se !
Amazing work!