Fun things that never happen to me...

I have been meaning to write something meaningful for last few days. But I was not able to work around my thoughts in a coherent manner. The meaningful thoughts, I mean. The thoughts that have a definite sense of purpose. I had almost decided to write about 'Corporate Etiquette'. But I didn't want to offend anyone. At least in July. I also was thinking about 'Life Goals' as a great topic for a blog post. But I can't write about something, I have a poor idea about. After all this struggle, I have succumbed to a click-bait title for my post. 'Fun things that never happen to me...'

But let me confess that I have no idea why I got attracted to this post title. I have really not much to say on this. I am not even sure if your idea of 'fun things', is same as my idea of 'fun things'. I am almost certain you didn't find the previous sentence fun. But I did! Hope you find things I am going to write about in next few paragraphs fun. I can assure you they never happen to me, keeping my side of the deal.

People around me are just losing weight by willing for it to happen. On the other hand, I am constantly being advised by my well-wishers (read total strangers) to join a group of runners or adopt the caveman diet. Do they realize that cavemen never had to sit in office late, scrolling through large datasheets?

My friends regularly post their encounters with celebrities on social media. Ok! Not regularly, but fairly consistently! When I used to stay in Mumbai, I often frequented the places, which are known for celebrity appearances. But I never saw or met any film actor worth his or her salt. I once attended an event in Delhi, where Boman Irani and Shahrukh Khan were on stage. But that doesn't count. Also if I pay for tickets to attend a play or a concert, that is not really an encounter. Once when we saw Govinda at Singapore airport, everyone ambushed him and I got cropped out of a probable memorable picture. I can still see my half desperate face in the one that actually got clicked. Once we were at Shoppers Stop, Juhu. My wife and my mother-in-law were the ones actually shopping. I spotted an obese man in a pink T-Shirt and brown shorts. He had a shabby stubble and uncombed hair. And wearing man-sandals. David Dhawan, the director of several hit Govinda films, was standing right in front of me performing a non-celebrity chore. My mother-in-law was enamored. He is not really the kind of celebrity, my friends post about on social media. Neither is Paresh Rawal, whom I spotted drinking at OnToes, Juhu once. Or Manoj Joshi who was eating a Vada Pav outside my college. Or Aftab Shivdasani, who was standing alone under a dark tree, in the night, waiting for someone outside a multiplex. Do my friends realize that when they put their pictures with a popular hot actress on facebook, I feel like killing them?

I always put a lot of thought when it comes to gifting someone. Sadly, I rarely receive gifts. People just have this special ability to forget me on my birthday or anniversary. But, whenever I receive a gift, I find it funny, that people know so little about me. I must have received 3-5 dinner sets over last few years. People bring sad souvenirs for me from their travels abroad or over-sized shirts from discount stores. Why I never get things I love? Just putting it out through this forum, that I like Liquor Bottles, Holiday Vouchers, Good Books, Music, Movies and Eating out. And if you are the cheap one and still want to be thoughtful, share your Amazon Prime Video password with me.

Lots of people value their work-life balance. I know this guy, who switches off his phone when he is on leave. There is no way you can reach out to him. It is a good thing actually. But he is such a brute, that he always finds it fine to call you late in the night or message you on a Sunday. Ironically, he works in Human Resources function. Once a girl, reached out to me on facebook for office work. I was on a holiday abroad and was unable to check my phone for few hours, so she found this route perfectly fine. She left her job few months later citing work-life balance issues. I envy both these people. 

I am sure there are many other fun things that never happen to me, but there is one funny thing, which happens to me every year once. My pay hike. Peanuts!