Z : Zoom in #AtoZchallenge

There was a time, not so long ago, when there were no digital cameras and no mobile phone cameras. For taking still photographs, we used to have that prized Kodak film roll camera. The film roll had a  limited capacity. We could only click 36 photos on one roll. The process of converting them to actual pictures was painful and often disappointing. Painful, because it was a long process and involved a photo studio. Disappointing, because often we would discover that some photos haven't turned out great and there was no way to capture that moment ever again. 

Compare that with today's scenario, when digital / mobile cameras rule the roost. One you don't need a roll, so you can go click-happy and click as many pictures as you want. Second, the output is right there in front of you. So if you are not happy, you can click another picture. Third, as digital / mobile camera also is your storage and retrieval device, there is neither any hassle of storage nor any chance of photos or your negatives getting damaged. You can also now share pictures with the click of a button. 

But there is a down side as well. There are so many pictures now on our phones and we are so busy in creating new ones, that we have lost the sense of wonder associated with browsing through our old albums and photographs. I have always believed that the key purpose of photos is to provide us with the ability to look back. To feel nostalgic about the times gone by. Sadly, that purpose has been muddled in the race to get more likes on Facebook. 

We had gone for a college trip to Goa during my engineering. When I browse through the photo album of one particular day from that trip, there I see a picture where one of my friends is standing besides me on a rock by the sea shore. There are 5 photos with us standing exactly in the same pose at the same place. 4 out 36 photos in that roll were wasted. Because we all were wasted that day. We had been drinking beer for hours. Had it been a mobile camera, we would have deleted those 4 additional pictures and may be that memory as well.

But I am digressing. I am fascinated by one particular feature of digital cameras. Zoom in feature. Once you have clicked a picture on a digital camera, at any later time, you can zoom in and find surprising details which you may not have noticed while clicking the picture. That is not possible with pictures clicked on film roll cameras. You can look as long as you want at the pictures in your photo albums (physical ones), but you won't be able to zoom in. 

I just imagined, what are the kind of things you would discover, if you had the ability to Zoom-in on your older pictures. 

1. Would you find out in your school's group picture whether that girl is smiling at you or not?

2. Would you find out the beer brand you had 15 years ago, because the bottle you had thrown carelessly around is still in the bottom left corner of the picture?

3. Would you find out who really was clapping for you standing by the wings of the stage, when you were receiving the award at your school's annual function?

4. Would you find out who borrowed your favorite Enid Blyton book during the bus ride to Ludhiana, while returning from that school picnic?

5. Would you find out whether your best friend was digging his nose or just scratching it?

6. Would you finally find out who was the one who was wearing spikes while giving you birthday bumps?

7. Would you find out who all had tears in their eyes at the farewell party?

If you had the ability to Zoom-in, you would definitely find things in your old pictures, that would surprise you or may be even shock you. You may find answers to some questions that have always bothered you or you might feel cheated, because you had always thought something transpired otherwise. The possibilities are infinite and tantalizing. But the moot point is if you had this ability would you really Zoom-in or would you just let it be!

You can't go back in the past and change anything. That Enid Blyton book is lost forever. The girl who clapped for you from the wings may have married someone else, completely oblivious to the feelings you had for her then. You have memories - some strong, some faded - of the events in past, the way you thought they happened. What is more precious? To know the details? To know the truth? Or to just keep your memories the way they are? Isn't life less burdened when you don't Zoom in? Sometimes it is not the specifics that matter; what matters is, the larger picture!!!

Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future ~ Corrie ten Boom

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My last year's challenge post from letter Z was about linguistic jokes. It was about my mother-in-law pronouncing Zebra as Jebra. That led me to a discovery about Zebra / Jebra. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here. 

Y : Yes and No - The success mantra #AtoZchallenge

I once knew a man, who was strange, in one particular aspect. Let us call him "The Boss". 

When posed with a categorical question, a normal person would respond with a specific answer. Especially if the categorical question is the classic Yes or No question. 

Example Question: Would you visit my blog again? (It is categorical and a Yes or No question)

Possible Answer 1: Yes

Possible Answer 2: No

Agreed, the world became more crazy when Market Research was invented and a third possible answer got added to the list.

Possible Answer 3: Maybe

But "The Boss" was special. He manufactured a Possible Answer 4 and used it very often. And you, my dear reader, can easily guess, who was at the receiving end. Every time he spouted the Possible Answer 4, I was left scratching my head. I had to make sense of it fast, so as not to look like a fool. And I failed miserably. Every time. Every awful time. And here is his invention - 

Possible Answer 4 : Yes and No

Do you realize the futility of it all? It is not a 'Maybe'. It is not a 'It depends'. It is a 'Yes and No.'

Example Question I posed to "The Boss":  Are you delusional?

Answer: Yes and No. 

My interpretation: Yes, he is, in office. No, he isn't, in front of his wife.

Real Question I posed to "The Boss": Do you approve of the creative?

Real Answer by him: Yes and No.

My interpretation: Yes, he approves it now. His opinion will surely change after some time. Let me work on more options.

Real Question I posed to "The Boss" : Do you agree customers are getting more demanding? (In context of changing a particular course of action)

Real Answer by him: Yes and No.

My interpretation: Yes they are. But he doesn't really give a damn and wants me to do what he thinks is right. 

But the thing is that "The Boss" was immensely successful. And I believe Possible Answer 4 was the reason behind this success. And I want to be the smart one. And definitely, I want to be successful. So I have decided to use Possible Answer 4 in the following situations.

1. Whenever my direct reports want me to take a decision but I don't want to take one. At the same time I don't want to look indecisive. 

Example Question by my direct report: Can I take a leave tomorrow?

My Answer: Yes and No.

What should my direct report think about my response and me : Yes, I can take a leave. But not tomorrow. My boss is so cool.

2. Whenever I am in a meeting with two powerful people who differ on an issue and they ask me to break the stalemate. And I don't want to offend either of them.

Example Question by them: Person 1 - Should we give a pay hike to the employees this year given company's bad performance? (Person 2 wants the pay hike given his body language, while Person 1 is responsible for cost cutting)

My Answer : Yes and No.

What should they think about my response and me: Yes, hike should be given. But only to the people in this room. This guy is really smart and cares for everyone. 

3. When I am asked my opinion on a subject that I lack knowledge in. And I don't want to sound dumb.

Example Question by a colleague: Do you think government should introduce tax breaks on bosses farting in front of their colleagues?

My Answer : Yes and No

What should the colleague think about my response and me : Yes, tax breaks for me. Not for my smelly boss. My colleague is such a sorted person. 

4. When during my appraisal I am asked a tricky question. And I don't want to sound boorish and risk a fat paycheck. 

Example Question by boss: Is money more important than a challenging responsibility for you?

My Answer : Yes and No

What should my boss think about me : Yes money is important for him. No challenge scares him though. He is the best resource I have.

I should write a management book titled "Replace your OR with AND : Make your path to the corner office rosy." 

Do you think I should write this book?

a. Yes

b. No

c. May be

d. a. and b. 

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My last year's challenge post from letter Y was about my food memories. The post was titled after my Zomato handle Yumdude. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

X : X words and other tough things #AtoZchallenge

Do you know that Oxford English Dictionary (OED) contains over 1.7 lakh words currently in use? If we add obsolete and derivative words to this number, the number of words go up to around 2.3 lakhs.

Now, guess how many words among these 2.3 lakh words begin with letter X! 400!

Read slowly - F O U R - H U N D R E D. Yes, a paltry number. 0.17% of the words that are there in OED start with the letter X. And then these words beginning with the letter X, are so esoteric. To write a topic on these esoteric words seemed like an e(X)tremley difficult task.

And you now how letter X compensates for it?

By coming at the end of the most important 3 letter word in this world. The mere mention of that word, shakes us to the core.

TAX.  What did you think?

In India, it comes at the end of a three letter word, that starts with the letter S and the word that every Indian shouts every evening with excitement, over and over again.

(Hint : A Google Fact - S is the letter from which most words in English begin, E is the letter which is midway and X comes last in the pecking order)

SIX! SIX! while watching the IPL cricket match. What did you think you single track mind?

But I am no pushover. I am not a person who gives up easily. I believe in the cheesy maxim that even the word "Impossible" says that "I M Possible". But did you notice that the person who coined this maxim has made an error? "M" and "am" are not really the same. By the way, show me where is the letter "X" in the word "Impossible"!

So I thought of writing on the following topics starting with the letter X and rejected them for the reasons mentioned.

• X - Factor - I didn't want to write on something which is intangible.
• X - Men / other movies that start with letter X - I didn't want to confound my Indian readers. I didn't want them to think that this is an adult blog.
• X - Chromosome - I was almost sure that I would write on female foeticide. But I was not in the frame of mind to write about a serious social ill today.
• Xenophobia - I didn't want to offend some of my close friends.
• XAT / other entrance exams I sat in for MBA admissions - Everything I have to say on this subject is already on pagalguy.com. 
• Xtreme / Xcel / words which actually start with Ex, but phonetically with X - I didn't want to cheat on you, my dear readers. By the way E(x)es itself could have been an eXplosive topic!
• Xenon - The only periodic table element that starts with X - I was weak in Chemistry in school. 
• .XLS (Excel Sheets) - I deal with this data shit the whole day. I didn't want to pollute my blog.
• Xerox - I already had covered it in last year's challenge. (Read it here)
• XL size clothes - I didn't want to write about my personal struggles today.

You get the drift? Right! I wanted to write on a topic starting from letter X. But I found it tough. So I am going to list some of the other things I find tough in life.

I. I find it tough to say "No", especially to girls. 

II. I find it tough to say "No", if am offered a dessert. Cheesecake anyone?

III. I find it tough to resist popcorn, while watching a film.

IV. I find it tough to wake up early in the mornings.

V. I find it tough to talk to someone with bad breath. I am tolerant of bad body odour though, surprisingly. 

VI. I find it tough to smile (with my teeth showing) for a group picture.  I am all for candid pictures.

VII. I find it tough to talk to strangers. I need time to warm up. 

VIII. I find it tough to shed the e(X)cess baggage that I carry. I am not talking about the emotional one. And here was one more lost opportunity for the letter X.

IX. I find it tough to ask for a raise. I hope my boss reads this one and gets the message.

X. I just realized, there was the letter "X" in point 9. I should have used the letter X as in Roman numerals and could have written any random list of 10 things. Silly me! Now I find it tough to write another list of 10 items.

Did you realize, I actually wrote two lists with 10 items in each?

Did you realize, I have listed so many topics from letter X today, that you can participate in this challenge next year without worrying about the X?

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My last year's challenge post from letter X was about my college notes getting xeroxed and how. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

W : WhatsApp Groups - Types and Management Techniques #AtoZchallenge

You must be aware of Frankenstein's monster. If you are upset with proliferation of WhatsApp groups, just like me, I am sure you have a high IQ. And I assume you are aware of this monster. While there are several metaphorical interpretations of this monster, the one which is most commonly understood is about scary results of science and technology gone rogue. The intention of science is to help the humanity, but the monster finds its way out. Always. So while WhatsApp is a marvel, WhatsApp groups feature is a real deal-breaker. 

Elon Musk (Tesla) recently warned that A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) could create an immoral dictator from which we could never escape. I think the movie The Matrix already warned us almost two decades ago, about a similar apocalypse. But did we learn? No Sir. No Madam. We created WhatsApp groups, which today dictate our life choices. There is no escaping these groups.

Had the developers of WhatsApp read the book Sapiens (which I reviewed few weeks back here), may be better sense would have prevailed. In one of the chapters in the group, the author of the book, Yuval Noah Harari introduces us to Dunbar's Number. Here the author explains, that before Cognitive Revolution, the maximum group size Homo Sapiens could organize to was the Dunbar's Number of 150. Any group size beyond 150 was not conducive for stable and meaningful relationships. So as population exploded, shared myths, like religion, nation etc. were created to manage and discipline larger groups. The developers of WhatsApp committed a cardinal sin. They increased the group size from 100 to 256 in 2016. But they never created any shared myth or set of rules to manage the change. Plus, you can be part of many such groups at the same time. Even Robin Dunbar (British Anthropologist ) couldn't have envisaged that. 

This post is an effort to further the studies done by such stalwarts and identify major types of WhatsApp groups and methods to deal with the tyranny. 

The WhatsApp groups can be divided broadly based on three criteria:

1. Gender based Groups

2. Interest Groups

3. Association based Groups

Gender based groups

There are two types here:

a. Same Gender Groups

b. Mixed Gender Groups

In same gender groups, all kinds of shit is shared. There are days, when you would like to deal with that shit and then there would be days when you would like to mute this 'always buzzing' group. I have never been part of an all girls / women group, obviously. So I can only hazard a guess, what goes on in those kind of groups. But, in all men groups, it becomes pretty obvious that all men are sexist, though degrees may vary. Yes, there are some silent ones too who don't participate in this slug-fest of sharing crass jokes and videos. But being silent and by being part of the group, they in a way approve of the content shared. Men on these kinds of  groups are always in one of these three modes: Horny / Drunk / Cricket Obsessed. 

How to Manage Same Gender groups?

• The group's name shouldn't call for attention like Stud-Boys, Boys Having Fun, Well-hung Boys, Alcoholics Anonymous, Liquor Barons etc. The names should be on the lines of Meditation Group, School Group etc.
• The icon / picture of the group should be something abstract, not the picture of a female actor or genitalia or your favorite bottle of scotch
• The group should be kept on mute most of the times and should only be accessed during early mornings / late evenings
• Never download the content of these groups when your spouse or boss is near

Mixed Gender groups are not always buzzing. They are only active on members' birthdays, anniversaries, promotions etc. The most commonly used words here are : Congratulations, Happy, Birthday, Anniversary, Best Wishes. They also become active on the days, when any girl on the group says 'Hi'. It almost feels like a dam has opened up, with all the boys on the group vying for that girl's attention. 

How to Manage Mixed Gender groups?

• If you are a girl, never say 'Hi' on this group
• If you are a boy, never do drunk messaging on this group, never flirt on this group, and never share content meant for same gender groups on this group
• Keep the group's name starting with a number followed by Z's, like 123ZZZSchool Group. This is the only way to avoid confusing this group with some other group. You will never share anything wrong on this group by using this technique

Interest Groups

There are two types here:

a. Interest Groups you are interested in, like a group of readers who are interested in discussing books. (This is just an example, where you are interested in books)

b. Interest Groups you are not interested in, like a group of runners who are interested in sharing their fitness goals and marathon pictures, while you are jealous of them. You are forced to be part of this group because your boss has asked you to do so. (This is just an example, where you don't give a damn about fitness, but you care about your job. The interests and compulsions may vary across such groups)

As per the book Sapiens these groups' membership can exceed 150, as the interests here act as shared myths. So managing large groups become easier.

How to Manage these groups?

a. Interest Groups you are interested in

• Ensure there are rules on this group which are strictly adhered to like:
• Don't share forwards
• Don't wish anyone on any occasion
• Only discuss about the interest(s)
• Discussion itself should be structured and done only on certain days and during specific hours convenient to most of the members
• Remove the person breaking any rule immediately
• Choose that person as the admin who has an autocratic style of working

b. Interest Groups you are not interested in

• Ensure that you don't follow any rules of the group - share forwards, send Good Morning messages, discuss everything under the sun etc. Do this till the time, admin removes you from the group
• If the group admin is not doing his job right, go silent. But every time your boss (any other compulsion) says something, send a LOL smiley or a thumbs up.
• Share fake pictures of your progress on the interest (lets say fitness) of the group, like six pack abs and make others jealous. This will make the fence-sitters leave the group. Culling is an important tool for a group's evolution. 
• If the group is a highly political group, and you want to avoid the negativity, share the fact that the local legislator is your friend. People will be careful, broaching the subject of politics.

Association based Groups

There are many types of association based groups like alumni groups, corporate / workplace groups, neighborhood groups etc. All of these groups barring one, will fall under any of the above mentioned categories. So for managing these groups, the rules explained earlier are enough. But there is one specific Association based Group, which you should be really wary of. It is called Family's WhatsApp Group. The name of the group itself explains that it is a mixed gender; interest group you are not really interested in, but there is a compulsion of the societal norms you have been conditioned with since your childhood.

No rules apply on this group. Depending on the food cooked at home, the dispersion of the family members across the planet, and issues like "aaj paani nahi aa raha" (Taps running dry today) can impact the tonality and content shared on the group. One can never be sure how to deal with this kind of group. You can't ask your mother to not share forwards, which propagate a fake news. You can't ask your father to not share a political video. You can't tell your sisters not to discuss latest fashion and share pictures of random dresses. You can't leave the group to avoid the jibe that Ab tu bahut bada ho gaya hai, ab tu maa baap ki kadr nahi karta (Now you have grown up and you don't care about your parents anymore). I am not sure how to manage this group. But there is always one thing you can do. Follow the flowchart given below daily and you would keep most of them happy most of the times.

8 am - Send a Good Morning Message (On Sundays 8 am send a Good Morning message which also includes random praise about parents in general)

1 pm - Send a picture of your lunch with a message that you are really busy at work

10 pm - Send a Good Night Message. Don't fail to mention that it was a tiring day and you are off to sleep

10:01 pm - Mute the group and hit the button on your TV remote

Neo just sent a WhatsApp message from The Matrix. The message read, "I will show you the world where anything is possible." He then deleted the message for everyone on the group and left. There is hope. This monster can be tamed. 

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My last year's challenge post from letter W was about the role I play in my spouse's life i.e. Wikipedia. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

V : VCR and Video Tapes Part II #AtoZchallenge

Flashback

Just like all good film franchises, this post is a sequel to my last year's post on the same subject. Films are close to my heart, so I don't mind repeating this topic. In last year's post I talked about the times, when cable TV was yet to make in-roads in India. I also ranted about embarrassing wedding videos and wrote about two film tapes - Bhavani Junction and Do Anjaane - which were lying at our home and I watched them multiple times. As a pre-teen, I shouldn't have watched these highly graphic films at all.

Fast Forward

Bereft of multiple sources of entertainment in small towns, VCR (Video Cassette Recorder and Player) was like manna from heaven. Days passed slowly in small towns, before the advent of satellite TV and the all powerful internet. I remember three films from those days, which I must have watched umpteen times, not only because they were entertaining, but also because they allowed a restless kid to escape the insipid hot afternoons; and mostly because these video tapes were lying at home. The jury is still out on whether a child should have been allowed to watch films like these. I don't think at that time the concepts like child-friendly content or parental control had taken root in India. I think I have grown up fine, though some of my close friends might have a different opinion. 

1. Yaadon Ki Baaraat  (Procession of Memories) - I love watching this film even now, but for different reasons. Now I watch it for its timeless music, its perfect execution of 'lost and found formula', which Hindi films of yore had done to death and of course because of Zeenat Aman. (For the uninitiated Lost and Found formula means, where siblings would get separated in childhood because of multiple reasons and the narrative will propel forward to bring them together, while the separated siblings do several other things on the way.) This film is a revenge saga as well, with one of the coolest villains of Hindi Films played by Ajit - Shakaal, getting undone by his mismatched shoe sizes. 

As a child, I watched this film because of a particular scene, where a couple steals food from two wealthy obese men while they are skinny dipping in a lake. I used to find it hilarious. Now I find that scene stupid and totally unnecessary in the screenplay. (Hindi films used to be of 3 hours then, with economy in narration not a worry.) I also used to watch the film again and again, because of its cool action - airplanes, trains, a railway track climax and a villain's den that had automated doors.

 Film's Poster - Yaadon Ki Baaraat

Zeenat Aman in 'Chura Liya' song

2. Mera Gaon Mera Desh (My Village My Country) - I definitely shouldn't have watched this film as a child. At core it is a highly violent film and glorifies villainy. But I watched it many times then, maybe because I was enamored by strong and cool villains. Vinod Khanna, played Jabbar Singh with such flair. The film was about a dacoit who tormented villagers and how an outsider Ajit, a petty thief himself, played by Dharmendra, takes him on. 

My favorite part of  this film was when both the hero and heroine get captured by Jabbar Singh and are tied in his den, a nautch girl, performs a song. The song goes like, "Maar Diya Jaaye, Ya Chhod Diya Jaaye", in which the nautch girl is giving the hero a choice between life and death, as Jabbar looks on, and drinking to his heart's fill straight from the bottle. Till the climax, it is the villain who enjoys his life. A great lesson for a child?

 Film's Poster - Mera Gaon Mera Desh

Jabbar Singh with his bottle played by suave Vinod Khanna

3. Ghayal (Wounded) - This is one of my all time favorite Hindi films. Even today, I can watch it and rattle off all its dialogues from memory. It is a powerful film, where the hero takes on a corrupt system. But let me tell you, as a child I shouldn't have watched it. It released when I was 10 years old. I think this one is definitely a PG rated film. (By the way, the two films mentioned above released before I was even born, so I must have watched them on VCR about 10-15 years after they came out. That says a lot about shelf life of their content.) I must have watched Ghayal 40-50 times. And not because its villain was cool. But because I idolized Sunny Deol, who played Ajay Mehra, an amateur boxer turned hardened criminal, out there to avenge his brother's death, with great conviction. Yes, the villain here was not cool like Shakaal and Jabbar Singh, but Balwant Rai, the rich scoundrel, played by Amrish Puri, was more impactful. As a viewer, you would clap with glee when he gets gunned down at the end. 

I must have liked this film because of multiple reasons. One, it had a screenplay like I had never seen before in Hindi films - flashbacks and flashbacks within flashbacks, constantly keeping your interest alive. Second, it had such powerful claptrap dialogues, that even today when you hear them, you get goosebumps. Third, while at heart its story was a revenge drama, just like the above two films, the villain here was a metaphor for everything wrong with our system - politics, police etc. I must have turned cynic after multiple exposures to this film. Fourth, the film was a police procedural as well and the cat and mouse game that ensues, is exciting. Lastly, it had an ensemble cast comprising of some of our best actors at that time. 

Film's Poster- Ghayal

Closing Credits

Is this a surprise, that all the three films I wrote about in this post had someone from Deol family? The first two had Dharmendra in the lead and Ghayal had his son Sunny Deol as the hero. 

I don't regret watching these films as a child.

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My last year's challenge post from letter V was about the impact of Home Videos and VCR on my childhood. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

U : Urination in open #AtoZchallenge

Open defecation and Public urination are such big issues in India, that they have led to a big Clean India movement called Swachh Bharat Abhiyan. In fact,  there is a film made on this subject called Toilet - Ek Prem Katha (Toilet - A Love Story). The man in the picture shown, thought the poster of the film is an invitation to pee. At least, that is what it looks like.

But this issue shouldn't be taken lightly. Often our films (especially the popular ones) haven't realized the gravity of this issue. See (the video clip) how the film 3 Idiots has used this issue to just generate some cheap laughs. While the reality is people are getting thrashed in real life (there are many other horror stories though) for peeing in open. (Read this story by HT)

For academic purposes, let us limit this post only to public urination. Tackling open defecation in the same post might make the article look shitty. Also, let us not include public urination outside city limits on a long highway journey, with no utilities center nearby. I don't know how that problem can be solved. Plus there is a conflict of interest, as I might have succumbed to pressure in such situations, in past. Let me also assure you that Public Urination is not just an Indian problem. So don't think that only developing countries are embarrassed of  their pissing men. Here are few stories for your perusal to prove my point.

San Francisco installs an open urinal to solve public urination problem. NYC can benefit from the same.

Some innovations done world wide - in places like Germany, Paris, UK, Chezch Republic - to solve this issue.

So now when it has been established, that it is not just an India specific problem, let us also understand a key difference. In the stories of developed world, providing better infrastructure or public shaming as solutions work. Because lack of infrastructure and wrong attitude are the issues there. But, in India, while lack of public utilities is alarming, the issue of doing it in open also has its roots in general apathy towards cleanliness and deeply entrenched patriarchy. Men think they can do it in open, because it is their right. 

So while government should work on creating awareness, building infrastructure and maintaining it as well, here are five ideas which should be implemented to change the attitude of public in general. 

1. Create an app, which reminds men to pee before they leave their homes or offices. On similar lines, the cab apps like Uber should ask men before they board the cab, "Have you urinated before leaving?". The ride starts, only if the answer is Yes.

2. Car / bike companies should invest in developing "On the go piss mechanism". Why stop when you can do it on the move? Also irrespective of scientific validity, spread the word, that piss-on-the-go increases mileage. Indians will fall for it. They will invite even the pedestrians to piss in their cars.

3. Just like public urination, people spitting everywhere is also an issue. A law should be passed, that all such spitters will now have to spit only on men urinating in public. I feel this might solve both the problems, actually. Pissers and spitters will kill each other, may be. Hopefully.

4. Just like tobacco companies invest in research that tries to disprove scientific facts like Smoking Kills , studies should be done in India to establish that public urination reduces the length of the tool and also leads to birth of girls (another social issue in India to be tackled separately). Spread WhatsApp videos on this subject. This will create a mass fear and nothing works better than that in India.

5. We have so many god-men in India like Frozen Baba, Chatni (sauce) waale Baba, who enjoy mass popularity. Government should help create another mythical Godman called Piss-Man. He will spread the word, that storing your own piss in a bottle and then spreading it in a urinal will bring in good luck. 

Before you lynch me for suggesting such stupid ideas, I have to run away. Need to take a leak.

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My last year's challenge post from letter U was a dedication to one of my favorite teachers, Usha Madam. Read it here. 

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

T : Tamil words I learned in last one year #AtoZchallenge

It is little over a year, since I started working in Chennai; and almost 8 months since I moved here with family. Recently I was having a discussion with my wife, when she mentioned that the biggest barrier for her to feel at home here, is the language. 

When we used to stay in Mumbai, we never felt compelled to speak in Marathi. We could easily get through our day with knowledge of English and Hindi there. But Chennai is a very different kind of city. It is a big city but seeped in its own regional identity. Tamil is the language which the man on the road speaks here. This makes socializing tougher for an outsider. It also makes getting some simple chores done, a herculean task - like buying vegetables, interacting with building security, getting house-help to do a particular activity. 

Also Tamil is difficult for us to learn, as we are not familiar with the language in any of its forms - written or spoken. The script for most north Indian languages is Devanagari, so even if we don't know Gujarati or Marathi, we are familiar with words written in those languages. Also many common words in these languages are same or similar sounding to Hindi. And people speak Hindi or English commonly in these places. On the other hand, Tamil is a Dravidian language, with a script very different from Devanagari, thus making it visually non-familiar to an outsider like me. As people in general, don't speak Hindi and English, it becomes difficult to learn it as well in due course, until and unless, you make special efforts like attending a class or use some other learning technique. Then the grammar of the language and importance of phonetics, also makes it tough for a newbie. Example: the Tamil words for Yes (aam), Mummy (am'ma) and Tortoise (amai) sound very similar and it is the way you stress on certain letters, changes the meaning. And while I don't fully understand the anatomy of the language, I am also given to understand that written and spoken Tamil are different too.

But we have to survive and thrive in the city we have committed a large part of our lives to, so we use multiple methods to overcome these issues:

• Wherever possible, use digital apps - buy groceries online, book cabs / auto online etc. - This disinter-mediation helps by taking away the need of knowing the language
• Use google translator for basic words - like we now know milk is called Pal and curd is called Tayir - It is inconvenient, but saying few words in Tamil, makes things nicer for an outsider and people are more willing to help
• Take help from colleagues, neighbors and friends who know Tamil to talk to those whom you can't talk with
• Actually learn few basic words of Tamil. Had it been any other language, I would have developed basic proficiency by now, given the efforts I have put in. But I am finding Tamil really tough. Here is the list of few words/categories of words, that I am now very comfortable with. This is not necessarily a complete list of words I have learnt, but some, which help me get by. 

Start from basics

The words you assimilate when you are trying to learn to tell people that you are not really proficient in Tamil. 

Tamil Teriyum - Know Tamil

Tamil Teriyatu - Don't know Tamil

Ventam - Do not

Aam - Yes

Illai - No

Chumma (its sounds like Hindi word for kiss) - Just like that

I - Nan

Did you notice, how saying "No" in different contexts, changes the word from Teriyatu to Ventam to Illai. I am still not sure how to use them comfortably.

Conscious effort to learn basics

First set of words that you learn with effort - like salutations, relationships, numbers, food items, basic questions/answers to talk to taxi drivers etc.

Vanakkam - Hello
Nanri Nanpa - Thank You Friend
Am'ma - Mummy
Appa - Papa
Akka - Sister
Anna - Elder Brother
Tampi (Thambi) - Brother, usually younger
Maplai - Groom (Context, Jamai in Hindi)

Nanpa - Friend
Cappatu, Saapadu - Meals / Food
Pal  - Milk, Tayir - Curd, Satam / Saadham - Rice, Tengai / tenkay - Coconut, Tanni / Neer - Water, Illanir - Coconut Water
Eppati Irrukinka - How are you | Nalla Irukken - I'm good

Enke Irrukinka - Where are you | Nan Inke Irukken - I'm here

Pujyam, Onnu, Rendu, Muunu, Naalu, Anju, aaru - 0,1,2,3,4,5,6 (Yes, I have been able to learn till six only. Also the 'u' at the end of each number is not pronounced like 'ooooh' in Himesh Reshamiya songs. I am yet to get the hang of how to pronounce that 'u' properly. A safe bet is don't stress on 'u' at the end of each number at all.)

Just keep in mind, learning these words / numbers don't ensure you can really make others understand things. Because each word in English has multiple synonyms in Tamil, but they have to be used very particularly when put in a sentence. But these help to break the ice.

Let us move to few basic phrases (I am limiting to those I can recall now)

The phrases which spell some action. These are for practice with those kind souls who can tolerate your bad pronunciation.

Pokalam / Pollam  - Let's go
Capitallam / Saapadalam - Let's eat
Cirikate / Srikadhe - Don't laugh
Moraikadhe - Don't stare

Clearly the way these phrases are written and the way they are spoken are different. That explains why I am writing each Tamil phrase with a slash followed by an option. The post slash word is the way I have been taught to speak. Did you also notice, that 'kadhe' also means No in this context, adding to the list of ways of saying No. Aren't things becoming more complex?

Tough ones / Bad ones

When I reached phrases in the above section, I had almost given up hope to learn Tamil. But then I thought at least I should learn some bad words.

Poda Venkayam / Pota Venkayam - Useless onion (I don't know how it is a profanity, but seemingly it works)
Enkita Vachukita Konduduven - Don't mess with me or I will kill you (Yes, this is what I am being taught in lieu of cuss words)
Dei naaye Kolaikadhey - Hey (dei) dog (naaye) don't (kadhey) bark (kolai) (At least this can work for school kids)
Dei kosu Kadikadheey - Hey mosquito(kosu)  don't bite (kadi) (Back to kindergarten)

Do you realize that people speaking Tamil get offended by simple profanities? They don't need big guns from Punjabi like MC / BC at all. Or they didn't teach me. I may have to take classes from someone who is good in Teru / Tharai Local (Local Street Slang).

*Disclaimer - Wherever I have written Tamil in English Alphabet, I have taken help from people who taught me these words or Google to write spellings. The logic used is to be as close as possible to way they are spoken. But given the complexity of the language, there might be errors in spelling. Please bear. 

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My last year's challenge post from letter T was about Train Rides and one particular memorable one. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

S : Short Sentences / Stories #AtoZchallenge

In 2015 - 2016, I had joined a Readers' Club in Mumbai. We used to meet once in a month to discuss books. The club is now called Owlery. Some of us were also making efforts, to learn basic nuances of writing. This effort led us to attend a book writing workshop. As part of an exercise there, I wrote a fictional story which I had posted on this blog last year. Also on the WhatsApp group of this Club, a word was shared everyday on which we tried to write short (actually micro) stories. I wrote hundreds of such small sentences or stories - good, bad, ugly. I had posted 45 such sentences / stories, over 15 posts, in 2016 on this blog. Today, I decided to post 10 more of them, which were woven around 10 words shared on that group. I hope my readers will be kind and forgive any mistakes I made then or the ones I am going to make today. I am still learning a really tough task of writing good stories.

Word : Quaff

verb [kwof, kwaf, kwawf]

Meaning: to drink a beverage copiously and with hearty enjoyment

Tale: Old / New

As he quaffed his cherished single malt and puffed a costly cigar, his henchmen beat the young leader of the new street gang to a pulp, But the young man kept laughing instead of crying in pain. Then the sound of a loud desperate cough reverberated in that room. His cigar popped out and blood mixed with that single malt gushed out of his mouth with huge force. The poison had worked. The young man now controlled the entire mafia.

Word : Yom Tov

noun [yuhn tuh v, tuh f]

Meaning : holiday

Tale: Orphan

He is an orphan who doesn't  know what a full stomach means. But comes yom tov, his happiness will know no bounds. That day he will get to eat as much as he wants. He will raid the garbage bin of his rich neighbors and will feast on the leftovers of the day. 

Word: Eldritch

adjective [el-drich]

Meaning: eerie; weird; spooky

Tale: Hinges

It was a moonlit night when they got stranded in the middle of the forest. They saw a flickering light at a distance. Upon reaching the source of the light they found an old cottage. They pushed open the door. The eldritch creaking of the door was accompanied by hooting of the owls and howling of the wolves. They started trembling with fear. The caretaker of the cottage came out and applied some grease on hinges of the door. The door stopped creaking.

Word: Cunctator

noun [kuhngk-tey-ter]

Meaning: a procrastinator; delayer

Tale: Fearless

He never accomplished anything worthwhile. Every job he undertook ended in a disaster. Being a compulsive cunctator he was left behind his peers in the organizational hierarchy. But his fortunes changed one day. He didn't complete his job on time and still earned the top spot in his group. He was told to shoot a man before daybreak, when there would be no witnesses. But he shot him in the broad daylight in front of  hundreds of people. He earned that day, the moniker of Fearless Hitman.

Word: Turpitude

noun[tur-pi-tood, -tyood]

Meaning: vile, shameful, or base character; depravity

Tale: Whose fault

Every night her pimp sold her to the highest bidder. He had to feed his large family. He was a criminal in the eyes of the law.

She slept for money with the worst of the men. Her soul was pure though. But what she was doing, was illegal.

Her father had traded her when she was twelve. He had to provide for his wife's treatment and he had already mortgaged his land. He was accused of human trafficking.

The local moneylender grabbed his land as he couldn't repay his meager loan. The loan shark was the most respected man in the village.

I am not certain which act of turpitude agitates me most.

Word: Botryoidal

adjective [bo-tree-oid-l]

Meaning: having the form of a bunch of grapes

Tale: Obsession

His intestines had spilled out of his stomach and had bunched together in a botryoidal formation. I had never seen something so brutal in my life before. Later, I came to know that he was newly married and was stabbed thirty-six times by his wife's obsessed stalker.

Word : Embonpoint

noun [French ahn-bawn-pwan]

Meaning: excessive plumpness; stoutness

Tale: Attraction

He always got attracted to the women inclined to embonpoint. A strange kind of stirring happened in his heart and blood rushed to his loins, whenever he saw his buxom neighbor. Then one day she acknowledged him. Soon he was in his bedroom. It was a mistake. He was robbed off all his valuables by that attractive cross-dresser. 

Word: Jeremiad

noun[jer-uh-mahy-uh d, -ad]

Meaning: a prolonged lamentation or mournful complaint

Tale: 49 days

His 'shoot and scoot' politics benefited from his caustic jeremiad, targeted at the ruling parties. Media gleefully lapped up his accusations without bothering to verify them. The gullible citizens voted him to power, thinking that he will bring in the change he promised. But when he was faced with the prospect of actually delivering on his promises, he ran away in 49 days.

Word: Trophic

adjective [trof-ik, troh-fik]

Meaning: of or relating to nutrition

Tale: Hallucination

Science can play havoc with human lives sometimes. When DNA cloning was introduced, everyone thought it will help humanity fight many diseases. But they used it to reproduce a carnivorous dinosaur. This has changed the balance of food chain and species at several trophic levels are now endangered. I am riding that dinosaur right now. I am a monster. I need more cocaine. 

Word : Furphy

noun [fur-fee]

Meaning : a false report; rumor

Tale: Political Fiasco

His political career was on the rise when he got caught red handed taking a bribe. He will now be taken to task by his party members. Media reports that he will be the first politician ever to be sentenced for his deeds as agencies have a watertight case against him. I can tell you it is just another furphy. He will never go to jail. No politician ever has. In fact he will emerge as a more powerful and popular leader after this fiasco.

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My last year's challenge post from letter S was a Story about young love, titled 'The Minor Glitch'. Read it here. 

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.

R : Recycle Bin #AtoZchallenge

Memories are strange. The ones you want to remember have a tendency to fade into oblivion. Like the footprints on the sand.  And the ones you want to forget tend to stick forever. Like that irritating gum on the sole of your shoes. 

I often wonder, if there was a recycle bin, where you can trash your bad memories, and forget them forever; what would be those bad memories. Then almost like a snake, a poisonous thought rears its ugly head. If you don't remember your bad memories, would you still remain the same person as you are? Wouldn't you be incomplete? After all, what is a life without regrets.

Also if I am going to list those memories down today, won't they be recorded for ever outside my brain? Wouldn't that be self defeating? So should I really write them down? 

I realize the best way to deal with this dilemma which I find myself in, is to list categories of bad memories or experiences which I generally would like to put in a recycle bin, without getting into specifics. 

Bad Words

There have been times, when inadvertently or deliberately, I have said something offensive or hurtful to people in past. While mostly the cause would be lack of judgement on my part but these moments spoil relationships. Apologizing to the aggrieved person(s) helps in such situations and people move on also. But, I wish I could forget those moments as they bother me. There is always a tinge of regret that I did say those things.

Break-Ups

They are tricky. They are painful. The stronger the relationship, the more vicious the breakup and thus more awful the memories related to it are. I have had a few break-ups. But the one that hurts me the most is the the one where nothing was said. (In others, there was anger involved, followed by dejection and eventually acceptance. They completed their antibiotic course) But this one is incomplete. It is like that the third act was never written in this love story. Sometimes words, even bad ones, serve a purpose. They take away the anger.  I wish I could put this break-up with her in a recycle bin.

Decision Inertia
There have been instances in my life, where I was at cross-roads. I had to take decisions. Generally, I am very decisive, especially at work-place. But there were moments, where I chose to stay at the crossroads a little longer. This is a dangerous place to be in. When you don't decide for yourself, you relinquish the control of your life. You let others decide for you.  Never let that happen to you. Take control of your decisions. There was this one man, whom I allowed to take some decisions for me. I have been happier since I took charge. But I can't bring back the time I lost wallowing in self-pity. I wish I could delete that man's decisions.

Leeches
There are people you come across in your life, whose only purpose is to teach you a lesson. They are people who held you back. They are people whom you put your trust in, but they never deserved it. In a parasitic relationship, you allow these leeches to sap your energy, time and creative juices. Investing time in symbiotic relationships is far more important. Take control of your time by pushing the leeches and sadness out of your life. Only place these leeches belong to is the recycle bin of your life.

Till the time, scientists develop such a recycle bin or make it affordable for people like me, I can't wish away these memories or experiences. Like good memories and experiences, the bad ones, also make me, what I am today. So I accept the mistakes I made and forget the ones others made. I decide to move on today, everyday. 

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My last year's challenge post from letter R was about me getting Robbed. Read it here.

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My theme for this year's #AtoZchallenge is all about writing stories, anecdotes and observations from my life in form of easy to read listicles. You can read the theme reveal post here.